Wednesday, October 17, 2018

pilihan aku

Tulis di muka buku. Orang keliling kata baik cerita sama Tuhan. Betul juga. Lama lama asal tulis, padam semula. Pengecut. Bila tak gembira, pilihan diri sendiri. Betul juga. Lama lama, nangis pon paksa ketawa. Penipu. Konon cuba nak berbaik baik, orang lari masuk bilik. Lama lama tersedar rupanya orang tak nak pon kau ada di situ. Bila kau blah,  baru  lah normal. Biarkan aje lah, asalkan bahagia. Eh, siapa suruh tak join..  Entah aku buntu. Pastu aku tunggu, lama lama tak larat tunggu. Oh,  itu masa dia. Mungkin ini masa aku, tapi celik aku tunggu lagi hujung minggu

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

positivity

Six in the morning, I shouted at my boy's face as he cried non stop on our way to his kindergarten and I regret right away. I am a bad mom because the child stop crying and he hugged me instead. I cried on his shoulder and I felt better. Yes, I'm shattered. When I burst out, which sometimes it happened, I just need a hug and though I'm wrong and stupid, though I might see things wrongly, comfort my damn heart just for a while and I promise to be rational again. I am not throwing tantrum most of the time and when it happened I'm actually felt helpless. I need a soul to comfort me. A sincere one who could face the worst side of me. Sounds selfish, to asking people to see how bad situation I'm facing when I, myself, not sure whether I could do the same for others. I'm sorry for not being the best, for not being positive, for being different from who am I before (though I thought comparing is the worst thing to mention at people), for making other families look worst (mine is even worst, mine is broken). Thanks Amji.